Off the record #1: holiday trepidation

So, in my first off-the-record blog post (post-coursework, if you will), I thought I'd blog about where I'm up to, what my thoughts are, that sort of thing.

I've just sent off two chapter drafts for the supes (supervisors) to read - a condensed methodology chapter (a bare bones spattering of 2000 words); and the first draft of my data chapter (which will no doubt get torn apart, but I've never written one before, so I took a stab at how I thought it should look). 

They were due on Wednesday, but as usual I finished earlier than planned, and got tired of looking at them. My line of thinking is that like art, if you spend too much time going over the same thing, you are liable to overdoing it. So, with them sent off (perhaps prematurely), I earned myself a two week respite.

It's left me with a sense of trepidation, for a number of reasons! I haven't really had a holiday in several years. For instance, during my undergraduate degree, I took classes over Summer so I could get that sucker completed and get into postgrad quicker. So I haven't really been on a holiday since 2010. I don't feel comfortable not exercising my brain, keeping it occupied, thinking. I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm moving in with my girlfriend, so I guess I'll use the break to move my stuff from A to B. Except where I have been living is much more convenient (for my studies) than where I'm headed. Oh well...

What else is on my mind? There's a conference scheduled for first quarter of 2013 in the UK, called Twitter and Microblogging: Political, professional and Personal Practices, at Lancaster University. I'm going to talk to the supes when I see them after my holiday in mid-November, so I'll talk to them about it then. I doubt I could swing funding from my Faculty, but if the supes give it two sets of thumbs-up, I'll likely self-fund. I think it could be good experience/exposure for me to get out there in some capacity - it couldn't hurt I figure, except to make me look like a total wanker if I cock it up - which, if I'm honest, isn't entirely impossible to conceive.

Not much else is going on at the moment, so check back in here mid-November for an update. Fair warning, there'll be a high likelihood of rage, as I figure I'll have a lot of work cut out for me with my data analysis chapter. So long as I can start my discussion chapter by December, all is acceptable, and things will be coming up matt-house.

Time to take a leap of faith!

References

http://www.lancs.ac.uk/fass/events/twitter_and_microblogging/

Standpoints are Important

My first methodology chapter draft was received with mostly positive comments from my supervisors, which was good for the confidence and ego. However (and it was something I admitted to, before going into the meeting), my 'standpoint' in the research was lacking, and is where I am at presently, while I edit my chapter.

The whole 'methodology' thing seems to be a bit of a grey area to many students. For instance, it became apparent to me at least that many people get methodology and method confused, insofar as to say that they think that the method is the methodology. Methodology is in fact the theoretical lens or framework through which the research is designed and conducted, while the method is the technique used to gather and analyse data. Bit of a difference there!

But wait, there's more! The methodology is in fact comprised of the standpoint, theoretical framework and the method. The latter two are easily sorted, and I needn't worry about them here. The standpoint however, is problematic - at least for someone like me, who is for the first time, expressing it.

I have a research methods textbook written by Walter (2011), and in it she writes:

"Our standpoint is the most important aspect in defining our methodology, because it influences all other components. But it is also an aspect that in most social research is poorly addressed. Our standpoint is basically our own position, who we are and how we see ourselves in relation to others and in relation to society...How we see the world is not a neutral, objective understanding, but is inevitably influenced by the filters and frames of our life experiences and circumstances and our social, cultural economic and personal identity location." (Walter 2011: 13).

But wait, it gets more involved - Walter argues that the standpoint is broken down into three parts, epistemology; axiology and ontology. These are the theory of knowledge, ways of knowing; the theory of values; and and the theories of the nature of being - what constitutes reality.

What does this mean? It's pretty heavy stuff is what it means. I have about 2-3 weeks to come to grips with it. It seems like it can't be as easy as saying "this is me, this is what shapes my worldview, this is how those factors will influence the way I view the research". I'd be interested in getting some feedback from people that have (hypothetically) covered this stuff.

Til next week...

References

Walter M 2011, 'The Nature of Social Science Research' in M Walter (ed.), Social Research Methods, 2nd edn, Oxford University Press, pp. 13-30.

Stupidity, Acceptance and Determination

Not much has progressed in the last week. I submitted the first draft of my literature review to my supervisors, with mixed results. One one hand, they appreciated my delineation of the literature, but I neglected my own 'voice' too much, and subsequently have to go back and 'silence the cacophony', so to speak. TL;DR - Need to voice my own thoughts more rather than stand on the shoulders of giants.

It's hard, man. In the bachelors degree, you don't get taught to any great extent how to think critically, or express your own thought as much...Perhaps I'm wording that incorrectly...You aren't taught or prepared to think at a postgraduate level, which means that when you do get to that stage, you're dropped in the deep end. Some people thrive on pressure, and while I do work well under the hammer (I think, at least), I couldn't help but wonder - am I 'cut out' for research (See image above for an accurate depiction of my face as I left my supervisory meeting)?

As it stands, I'm currently rewriting the parts of my chapter that let me down, namely my introduction paragraph (done), and the 'toning down' of my citations. I'm reading The Transformation of Intimacy (1992) and Liquid Love (2003) again. I need to figure out how to overcome my self-doubt and confidently critique these writings (I still feel like I am a lowly undergrad with no right to an opinion, which isn't doing me any favours).

I guess for me, the problem is never going to be a 'writing block' or lack of inspiration. For me, it's a lack of motivation that is psychologically based on my low sense of self-worth. I'm unsure if my other classmates suffer from the same lack of confidence (I can think of two girls in particular that rock at what they do, and would be surprised to think they feel otherwise), but perhaps I can bring this up in class on Monday. I can't be the only fresh-faced honours student filled with doubt in the formative stages of their thesis?

Oh well, I just need to keep on writing, nothing will get done by procrastinating. More to come on my progress when there's actually progress to comment upon.



References

Bauman, Z 2003, Liquid Love: On the Frailty of Human Bonds, Polity Press, UK.

Giddens, A 1992, The Transformation Of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Societies, Polity Press, UK