Off the record #1: holiday trepidation

So, in my first off-the-record blog post (post-coursework, if you will), I thought I'd blog about where I'm up to, what my thoughts are, that sort of thing.

I've just sent off two chapter drafts for the supes (supervisors) to read - a condensed methodology chapter (a bare bones spattering of 2000 words); and the first draft of my data chapter (which will no doubt get torn apart, but I've never written one before, so I took a stab at how I thought it should look). 

They were due on Wednesday, but as usual I finished earlier than planned, and got tired of looking at them. My line of thinking is that like art, if you spend too much time going over the same thing, you are liable to overdoing it. So, with them sent off (perhaps prematurely), I earned myself a two week respite.

It's left me with a sense of trepidation, for a number of reasons! I haven't really had a holiday in several years. For instance, during my undergraduate degree, I took classes over Summer so I could get that sucker completed and get into postgrad quicker. So I haven't really been on a holiday since 2010. I don't feel comfortable not exercising my brain, keeping it occupied, thinking. I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm moving in with my girlfriend, so I guess I'll use the break to move my stuff from A to B. Except where I have been living is much more convenient (for my studies) than where I'm headed. Oh well...

What else is on my mind? There's a conference scheduled for first quarter of 2013 in the UK, called Twitter and Microblogging: Political, professional and Personal Practices, at Lancaster University. I'm going to talk to the supes when I see them after my holiday in mid-November, so I'll talk to them about it then. I doubt I could swing funding from my Faculty, but if the supes give it two sets of thumbs-up, I'll likely self-fund. I think it could be good experience/exposure for me to get out there in some capacity - it couldn't hurt I figure, except to make me look like a total wanker if I cock it up - which, if I'm honest, isn't entirely impossible to conceive.

Not much else is going on at the moment, so check back in here mid-November for an update. Fair warning, there'll be a high likelihood of rage, as I figure I'll have a lot of work cut out for me with my data analysis chapter. So long as I can start my discussion chapter by December, all is acceptable, and things will be coming up matt-house.

Time to take a leap of faith!

References

http://www.lancs.ac.uk/fass/events/twitter_and_microblogging/

My obligations stop here

End of the line, everybody off!

My obligation to post here as part of my honours coursework ends with this post, but I intend keep it updated as my thesis progresses until completion. There seems to be some interest in what I'm doing as over 1000 people have visited this humble place so far. Admittedly, that could just be my Mum. Thanks for the view-count, Mum.

Lately, things have been more (or less) looking up for my thesis. Over 15 hours and 10 interviews later, I generated around 20,000 words of delicious, pregnant research data. From that, I popped out 5,000 or so 'best of' bits. Now, in the timeline of my thesis, I am way ahead of schedule. I think online interviewing (synchronous text-based chatting via an ICT in regards to my thesis) has been great. I spend so much time online (so bitterly lonely) and it worked out that I could just fit my interviews in around the clock.

Obviously, this process isn't for everyone. Some people enjoy things like fresh air, sunshine, and what have you. But I feel like as an emergent method for qualitative research, it has a lot to offer. I hope that, with regards to my research at least, that it proves as effective as it was efficient.

So, what am I started to find, in regards to my research? I can't go into too much depth (mostly because I've not truly begun unpacking everything, organising it thematically etc). At this stage, I think I have ample grounds to not only sufficiently answer my research question, but in the process challenge Giddens and Bauman on their positions on modern intimacy. Bold stuff! You'll have to stay-tuned to the blog if you expect to find out anything more. As if you didn't see that coming! Ha! Ok, fine. Here's two terms that might mean something/nothing to you: homogeneity and micro-celebrity. Mystery! Intrigue! I'm reading some stuff by Senft and Marwick at the moment which I find particularly interesting.

What have I learned from the weekly workshop/class meetings? Well, I learned how lucky I am that I enrolled mid-year and was exposed to the structure and coursework in SOC470. It apparently makes a big difference, as it's greatly beneficial to talk about what a thesis needs from the perspective of your own discipline or what makes a good ____ chapter in an honours thesis before you start writing in any great length. The students who started earlier than me and had to go through ARTS470 had their time wasted, apparently.

I'll wrap up with the obligatory gif. To getting through the first half of my honours year without exploding in complete rage, and my supervisors telling me to take a two week break, presumably because I'm a BOSS.

References:

Marwick A E 2011, 'I tweet honestly, I tweet passionately: Twitter users, context collapse, and the imagined audience', in New Media & Society, vol. 13, no. 01, pp. 114-133.

Salmons, J 2012, Cases in Online Interview Research, Sage, London, UK.

Senft, T M 2008, Camgirls: celebrity & community in the age of social networks, Peter Lang, NY, USA.

Lessons learned in online research

Ok so a few astute readers out there might realise that I've deleted the previous blog post. I thought that since some things had changed since then it made sense to approach things from a calmer, more rational frame of mind.

So, through the week my research encountered a snag. I won't go into a huge amount of detail, but sufficed to say an individual in a gatekeeping position declined to assist me in my recruitment from the online community he adminstrates. When I realised this denial may have come from a position of laziness, ignorance or apathy, I made the error of trying to get the individual to see the objectivity of my research. I learned a really valuable lesson as a researcher that day. No matter how important I think the research is, to myself or my field, if an individual or community or individual in authority over a community is not interested, there is nothing you can ethically do except walk away. Unfortunately, I was inexperienced, it was late (think like 4AM), and my calm, collected rationality dissipated. The exchange never became abusive, but it became apparent that I should have let it lie from the start. Very embarrassing for me. But I've taken something away from it, at least.

Luckily for me, I knew some individuals in the community, and through snowball sampling was able to reach my research quota for the case study. I now have 8 of 10 interviews completed, with the final two to happen before the end of the week, meaning all my interviews will be conducted and transcribed way ahead of schedule. My only concern is that I have asked the wrong questions, or not asked enough questions, or my participants haven't said enough. Time will tell! But I have definitely noticed some recurrent themes in their responses, which is good. Not entirely what I had anticipated either. It seems that using tumblr dating blogs for sexual intimacy is not the dominant objective. Based on my respondents, it seems that tumblr is positioned uniquely in the SNS arena so that its users can create intimate (see: supportive, non-judgemental) spaces where homogeneous interactions can occur. Of course, if a deeply intimate relationship can develop from these places, then it is welcomed. But the main thing is that marginalised people (sexuality, body type) have found a place which they can make their own spaces and interact with others like them - without having to resort to commercial, marketised alternatives to do so.

Of course these are only cursory findings as yet, the real statements will be laid out over the coming weeks. But I am excited to get stuck in to writing the next chapters of my thesis!

Participant Recruitment...Doing it right

What's the news in the last week? Well, I was given ethics clearance. That was really painless, actually. I'd like to give a shout out to one of my supervisors who helped flesh out my application back at the start of the year. Holla!

What else? I'm still writing my methodology chapter, though I'll have my second draft ready by Monday. I think it's starting to resemble what my other supervisor was hoping for, but as we all know there will be room for improvement.

Possibly the most exciting news is that my recruitment has kicked up a notch. GWLG agreed to post my recruitment flyer and within a few hours I've already been approached by 5 individuals. I only needed 5, and I had a few already that I anticipated could snowball into a few others, so that's been really good. For a straight guy to successfully approach and insert himself into a lesbian community is no small task. It was probably my biggest fear, leading up to actually doing my research - what would happen if I failed miserably in recruiting? The good news is, I won't have to worry.

I feel like maybe it's a good idea to share a part of my methodology, in regards to approaching a community that the researcher exists out of. I was reading some stuff on internet research ethics recently, namely Christine Hine's Virtual Methods: Issues in Social Research on the Internet (2005), Virtual Ethnography (2000); The Ethics of Internet Research: A Rhetorical, Case-Based Process by Heidi McKee and James Porter (2009); and Boellstorff's Coming of Age In Second Life (2008). One salient thing that I learned from these texts is the need for 'authenticity'.

There was something by Janne Bromseth which I took from one of those texts. Bromseth did some research on gay and bisexual women's interaction on a Scandinavian litserv. She noted that when conducted ethnography online, it is important that the researcher sustains a 'cultrally appropriate image'. Such an image is necessary so as to appear legitimate and culturally sensitive toward the population that the researcher is studying, and, perhaps more importantly, reduces that the researcher can be seen as an 'other' (outsider).

Taking from this, I thought that it wasn't enough for my methodology that I simply have a tumblr blog for my research (though it would be where my potential participants could acquire the participant information and consent sheets). I would have to establish my own tumblr blog. Now, tumblr users can be assured that I am not just an amused researcher, looking down from high above in my ivory tower. This is also that is something which resonates with the standpoint epistemology that I've used, which calls for reflexivity and that the research operates as a participant, rather than an expert.

Anyway, as is customary when concluding posts on this blog, it's gif-time - for "teh kidz". Here is an apt representation of me presently, replying to all my participation requests:

References

Boellstorff T 2008, Coming Of Age In Second Life, Princeton University Press, USA.

Bromseth JCH 2006, 'Genre trouble and the body that mattered: Negotiations of gender, sexuality and identity in a Scandinavian mailing list community for lesbian and bisexual women', PhD thesis, Norwegian University of Science and Technology, Trondheim, accessed 28/09/20012, DiVa database, http://ntnu.diva-portal.org/smash/record.jsf?searchId=1&pid=diva2:122317

Hine C 2000, Virtual Ethnography, SAGE, UK.

Hine C 2005, Virtual Methods: Issues in Social Research on the Internet, Berg, UK.

McKee H A & Porter J E 2009, The Ethics Of Internet Research: A Rhetorical, Case-Based Process, Peter Lang, USA.

"Imposter Syndrome"; Recruiting Research Participants

So this week's post will be split in two, as there's a lot on my mind at present. As you can see in the above image, one of this week's themes is "imposter syndrome". You wouldn't believe how many blogs there are out there mentioning this (and hey-presto, I've added to that mess). It might interest you to know that imposter-syndrome is quite common in areas where one's work is routinely critiqued by peers. Sound familiar? It should - that's academia and postgraduate study, baby!

This methodology chapter has been doing my head in. I think I severely underestimated how much knowledge I would have to acquire. I barely understand standpoint epistemology (I mean, I get the basic gist, but c'mon), and yet I'm writing about it like I know it well. I think that's where the imposter part comes in.

I'm at times plagued by this overwhelming anxiety that I don't belong here, I don't have the intelligence or capacity to be an honours student, let alone be one of the dreaded PhD students. I feel like fortune and luck has got me this far, and at some point someone will notice that I know nothing. I know that's stupid to say, of course I have the ability, why would people agree to supervise me if they didn't think I was capable, etc.

It doesn't change the fact that I feel like I barely even understand my project at times. On several occasions, I have left my supervisor meetings convinced that my research question or aim has changed somewhat. Add to that, that I'm writing about a methodology that only vaguely seems to make sense to me (the theoretical framework of my methodology has nothing to do with the major theory which comprised my literature review), and yeah - bummer town, dude.

I'm sure I'll get over it. This all sounds vaguely like my week 2 posting, where I emo'd up a storm there, too. I know it's hard for most of the peers in my group to relate entirely as they're at the culmination of their projects now. For them, they mostly know what it is they've synthesised. At this stage, I'm struggling to recruit people for my research - tumblr is strange in the way it operates. Unlike Facebook, direct contact is not so easy. I'm also faced with the challenge that these are communities that quite possibly do not take kindly to outsiders. Now there's some stress - what if I can't find enough recruits? How long will it delay my overall timeline? Ugh...

This gif pretty much sums up my recruitment process so far:

Standpoints are Important

My first methodology chapter draft was received with mostly positive comments from my supervisors, which was good for the confidence and ego. However (and it was something I admitted to, before going into the meeting), my 'standpoint' in the research was lacking, and is where I am at presently, while I edit my chapter.

The whole 'methodology' thing seems to be a bit of a grey area to many students. For instance, it became apparent to me at least that many people get methodology and method confused, insofar as to say that they think that the method is the methodology. Methodology is in fact the theoretical lens or framework through which the research is designed and conducted, while the method is the technique used to gather and analyse data. Bit of a difference there!

But wait, there's more! The methodology is in fact comprised of the standpoint, theoretical framework and the method. The latter two are easily sorted, and I needn't worry about them here. The standpoint however, is problematic - at least for someone like me, who is for the first time, expressing it.

I have a research methods textbook written by Walter (2011), and in it she writes:

"Our standpoint is the most important aspect in defining our methodology, because it influences all other components. But it is also an aspect that in most social research is poorly addressed. Our standpoint is basically our own position, who we are and how we see ourselves in relation to others and in relation to society...How we see the world is not a neutral, objective understanding, but is inevitably influenced by the filters and frames of our life experiences and circumstances and our social, cultural economic and personal identity location." (Walter 2011: 13).

But wait, it gets more involved - Walter argues that the standpoint is broken down into three parts, epistemology; axiology and ontology. These are the theory of knowledge, ways of knowing; the theory of values; and and the theories of the nature of being - what constitutes reality.

What does this mean? It's pretty heavy stuff is what it means. I have about 2-3 weeks to come to grips with it. It seems like it can't be as easy as saying "this is me, this is what shapes my worldview, this is how those factors will influence the way I view the research". I'd be interested in getting some feedback from people that have (hypothetically) covered this stuff.

Til next week...

References

Walter M 2011, 'The Nature of Social Science Research' in M Walter (ed.), Social Research Methods, 2nd edn, Oxford University Press, pp. 13-30.

Reflection

It's been several weeks since I officially started this honours thesis, so I thought now would be a good time to reflect on where I've come from, and where I'm headed. Admittedly, finding topics to write about is a chore, considering the amount of writing that is done in a thesis, but that is neither here nor there.

I started this thesis off thinking I was just going to talk about a new and interesting intimate practice. Tumblr, as an SNS, has received scant empirical attention to date, and I saw an opportunity to add to the pool of knowledge. It's interesting to note, at least to me, that this basic idea has of course changed since. I say 'of course', because anyone who has done an honours thesis before will tell you that what you intend to start off with is never what you end up with.

I admit, that my supervisors have influenced the direction I have taken so far. I have trusted in their knowledge and foresight, but there are times when I wonder, as I am sure you may have too, if is possible to sacrifice too much of your own desires or interests in the 'process' or 'game' that is academic supervision. I have an idea brewing in my brain-meat at the moment, that I have as yet to discuss with my supervisors, though I will get the opportunity this week. I don't want to jinx or hype anything, but if I am right, I may have discovered a new line or way of conceptualising intimacy, at least online intimacy.

Speaking of, have you ever had a research idea, and searched for something, and found nothing? Does this mean that you really could have a new idea? There have been a few occasions now when I've searched for literature arguing a certain angle, and found nothing. Of course, it's more likely that my searching-method needs refining, but it's interesting to think about. Perhaps it's a lack of confidence (which I am sure will improve over time), but surely a lowly postgrad student is unlikely to develop something definitive?

I also wonder who reads this blog. So far, several hundred people have read what meagre offerings I have presented (this could be largely due to my parents visiting often, keeping abreast of my activity). I am of course hesitant to make too many claims or divulge too much information at this stage (mostly because what I have still seems formative, but also because I worry that what I have brewing might in fact be new, and interesting - and I don't want someone to take away from my hard work). Are these the thoughts of a paranoid mind? I hope not! I wonder if these concerns could be termed "First world postgrad problems"....

As usual, here's an image from google to conclude.